GRANDPA GOLDURP'S GUIDE to MONSTERS, MYTHS and NOT SO NICE THINGS: Tarasque

Hello boy's and girls and welcome to the first installment of Grandpa Goldurp's Guide to: Monsters, Myths and Not So Nice Things. Today's ferocious frightening fanged fiend?
The Tarasque.

The Tarasque is a gargantuan creature 50 feet tall and 70 feet long. It is said to have 6 legs, the head of a lion, the shell of a turtle covered in spikes and a long tail that ends in a scorpions stinger or a spiked ball depending on the account! It is a remorseless killing machine that spends most of its time underground in the deep dark places of the world. Fortunately for most adventures it sleeps a great deal of the time from months to sometimes years!

It can eat almost constantly when it wakes and uses its desire for destruction to fuel its hunger. Beware should you ever encounter one boys and girls not only is it horribly powerful it is also amazingly armored its scaly hide can deflect most weapons and even some magic! It also has the damnable ability to regenerate making it damn near immortal! Its origins are unknown some say it is a curse from the elder gods some say a drunk wizard created it whilst trying to transform his pet turtle into a bride!

Stay safe in those dungeons kids and as always: don't forget to clear your inventory!

SOUND THE HORN: Top 5 RPG video game intros!

By now you may know that I love me some RPG video games, and one of my favorite things is when the opening to the game be it the music or what have you gets you pumped to play the game. So Here is my top 5 RPG video game intros.

5. Wild Arms (PSX released 1996 by Media Vision)

Its simple but somthing about it gets my jacked to go and fight the forces of evil, plus the animation is fantastic. The game itself is also very good based on a future where guns are very rare and considered magical.

4. Final Fantasy Tactics (PSX released by square 1997)

Final Fantasy tactics is my opinion the greatest turn based strategy/RPG ever made. The rich story combined with the incredible jobs system and intense combat made it a legend in my eyes. If you haven't played this yet, I don't know what your doing with your life.

3. Deadly Towers (NES released by Lenar 1986)

I included the box art here because I remember when I was little I thought it was the coolest thing ever, combine that with the awesome music that accompanied the intro story and I was in heaven. To be fair here though this game is a bastard, it has the NES rep equivalent that dark souls has for difficulty with none of the redeeming qualities.

2.Chrono Trigger (PSX port released by Square 1999)

Chrono Trigger is one of the best RPG's ever made by those warlocks and story telling masters at Square Enix. Even though the game was originally released for the SuperNES I chose the intro for the PlayStation  port because it has the amazing animated intro by the same folks that do the Dragon Ball series as well as the art for the Dragon Quest games. This game is awesome, a bunch of random heroes pulled from different time periods banding together to save the time stream? SIGN ME UP!

1. Wizards and Warriors (NES released by Rare 1987)

WIZARDS AND FUCKING WARRIORS! Once again the box art has a huge part to play with this choice but listen to that theme! To me its still one of the best themes Ive ever heard in my life. I have such fond memories of this game when I was little and me and my Pop stayed up all night to beat it. The game is awesome and still holds up to this day, its a really fun platform rpg game. If you have the means you have to play this it is addictive and a blast to play! Look out for doughnut wizards!

THE FANTASY FORGE: Finn's Golden Sword of Battle. (aka Scarlet)

In this series Im going to highlight props and items from various forms of fantasy mediums that are crafted in the real world, first up (since it was the inspiration to start this seres, Finn's Golden Sword of Battle (aka Scarlet) from the Adventure Time tv series. The sword is brought to life by master blacksmith Tony Swatton in his series Man at Arms: take a look.

Its amazing how he adds the nicks and scratches in the blade. I am truly impressed by the final product. Also If you don't happen to know, Adventure Time is a Cartoon that is currently on Cartoon Network and true fan of RPG's and the fantasy genre will love this show. Also despite being marketed for a young audience this is one of those masterful shows that has plenty of "hidden" humor for adults. If you haven't seen it, check it out.

IN DEFENSE OF THE REALM: Conan the Barbarian Movies.

  Let me just start by saying I REALLY LIKE the Arnold Conan movies. I really do, I think they were great even the second one despite being so campy, because even though it wasn't executed properly at least it was getting closer to the source materials. Now I say like then, not love them because I truly adore the works of the writer who created him, Robert E. Howard. The stories he wrote were amazing, this fierce warrior who had been a soldier, a slave, a pirate and a thief slaying his way to his ultimate destiny the throne of Aquilonia.  So when the new Conan the Barbarian movie was announced I was excited...then I saw this:

HOLY SHIT!!! THAT'S FUCKING CONAN!!!!
I was amazed at what I saw. Arnold was a big dude, but thats about as similar to the character from the books as he got. Jason Momoa looked EXACTLY like Conan, He was dark and brooding, He was big but also agile looking this was perfect. I mean compare the two..

Jason Kicks Arnie's ass all day long. Now lets get to the Actual movie. I thought it was incredible, the action was amazing the characters were great and the whole world just felt more like Hyborea then the Arnold movies ever did. Even the support characters felt more like they stepped out of the Robert E Howard books vs the Arnold movies.

The story was top notch,  Conan trying to take revenge on the evil warlord who murdered his father and their people and prevent him from raising a demonic witch queen bride to cover the earth in darkness. Fucking epic. We touch on his life too, as a thief and pirate we see a young Conan coming into his prime. Unfortunately the movie bombed. earning only around 48 million on a budget of 90 million. I guess people just arnt into fantasy movies...but wait a second the Lord of the Rings movies were huge...whats going on here? Well, its seems that the number one complaint around the general public was uniform...its not like the Arnold movies. Fuck me really? This move gets everything right except being like the movies that got most of it wrong. Now despite being set up for what was in my mind going to be one of the best trilogies in film history, the Conan franchise is scheduled to be rebooted again with Arnold once again taking the helm, this time as an aged King Conan. Don't get me wrong Im sure I'll be at King Conan opening night but I cant help but look at the Jason Momoa film and long for what might have been...

 I give the Jason Momoa Conan 3 Aquilonian Crowns. If you haven't seen it you should.

LIGHT THE BEACONS!: Elder Scrolls Online

   The Elder Scrolls. Its fucking magic just saying the name. It is quite possibly the most immerse, deep, and lore rich RPG series ever created. The world of Tamriel is so amazingly detailed that you could very well lose yourself in it for years. Add to that the insanely huge and ever growing mod community and you have games that never end. (since the game itself is open sandbox at endgame) but new content will never be scarce. The only criticism that the series rabidly loyal fans have is: "I just wish I could play with my friends."

BOOM.

   This is awesome...but...let me just say while I love this and all it IMPLIES...its just that, an implication of what the game might be. There is no actual game play footage in it and no dialog or story being revealed, other then three warring factions maybe? Now I know there are some purists out there that don't like the idea of elder scrolls going online, but I think its going to be awesome, if you don't like it don't buy it, I however have been long awaiting a chance to journey with my friends into the lands and legends of the Elder Scrolls. I'm hopeful for this game and even if it turns out to be a flop we always have Skyrim.
  So dust off your armor, sharpen your swords and let us gingerly touch our tips!

Im going to give this two hopeful Multi-classed wizards.